Stop Making This Critical Mistake When Building Your Child’s Confidence
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How You're Unknowingly Crushing Your Child's Confidence: The Surprising Truth
In addition, parents may inadvertently undermine their child’s confidence by overpraising them or constantly comparing them to others. While praise and recognition are important, it’s essential to ensure that the praise is specific and based on genuine accomplishments rather than generic accolades.
Jennifer: “Wow, Jake! You are so incredibly smart! I can’t believe you solved that puzzle so quickly. You must be a genius!”
Jake: “Thanks, Mom! I’m really good at puzzles.”
Jennifer smiles proudly at her son, thinking that her praise is boosting his confidence.
Scene Two:
Jennifer: “Hey Samantha! Great to see you. How have you been?”
Samantha: “Fantastic! How about you? And how is Jake doing?”
Jennifer: “Samantha, I’m telling you, Jake is just so smart. He solved this complicated puzzle in no time! I keep telling him what a genius he is.”
Samantha: “Wow!”
Jennifer: “And he got an A+ on his math test the other day. I took him out for ice cream to celebrate. A boy with such high intelligence deserves ice cream”
Samantha: “It’s great that Jake is doing well, Jennifer. But have you ever heard about the concept of fixed mindset versus growth mindset?”
Jennifer: “No, I haven’t. What’s that all about?”
Samantha: “Well, a fixed mindset is when someone believes that their intelligence and abilities are set in stone, and they can’t really change or improve. On the other hand, a growth mindset is when someone believes that they can develop their abilities and intelligence through hard work and effort.”
A fixed mindset can lead to a fear of failure and avoidance of challenges, as individuals might believe that struggling means they are not smart or talented. In contrast, a growth mindset encourages people to embrace challenges and view mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. Praise focused on effort and learning strategies, rather than innate ability, can foster a growth mindset.
Jennifer: “Interesting. But how does that relate to what I’m doing with Jake?”
Samantha: “When you constantly praise Jake for being smart or talented, it might unintentionally lead him to develop a fixed mindset. He might start to think that his intelligence is something he was born with, rather than something he can improve through effort and learning.”
What would happen if Jennifer continued to lavish on praise, developing a strong fixed mindset in Jake? Well here’s an all too common outcome. Throughout elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, Jake manages to perform well, hiding his anxiety behind a facade of confidence. But the anxiety builds and he feels he has to prove himself more and more. This leads to a downward spiral of anxiety and false confidence.
When he enters college, he faces a new level of difficulty and an environment where his fixed mindset leaves him ill-equipped to handle challenges.
In college, Jake is confronted with tougher coursework and high expectations. His fixed mindset makes him terrified of failure and the possibility that he might not be the genius he was always told he was. To cope with his anxiety and protect his reputation, Jake starts partying excessively.
Jake rationalizes his behavior, thinking that if he fails a test or doesn’t perform well in a class, he can always blame it on his hangovers and late-night escapades, rather than admitting that the work is genuinely challenging for him. This way, he believes he can maintain the illusion of his innate intelligence while avoiding the effort and potential failure associated with genuinely engaging with his studies.
As a result, Jake’s grades begin to slip, and he becomes increasingly disconnected from his academic pursuits. His relationships with his peers and professors also suffer, as he becomes more focused on partying and avoiding responsibility than on learning and growing.
Eventually, his excessive partying and neglect of his studies catch up with him, and Jake faces the harsh reality of his situation.
Jennifer: “Oh, I didn’t realize that. So, what should I do instead?”
Samantha: “Try praising Jake for his efforts, persistence, and the strategies he uses to solve problems. For example, instead of saying ‘You’re a genius for solving that puzzle,’ you could say ‘I’m impressed with how you stuck with it and tried different approaches until you found a solution.'”
Jennifer: “That makes sense. But I’ve been praising Jake this way for so long that I’m afraid it will just keep slipping out. My motherly instincts just make me feel like I should build him up with that sort of praise. Can you help me get better at this?”
Samantha: “Sure I’d be happy to. How about we go over some examples? Would that help?”
Jennifer: “Oh that would be fantastic. Yes please!”
Remember, the goal is to focus on effort, strategies, and progress, rather than labeling your child as smart or talented. Here are ten examples for you:
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re so good at math.”
Growth mindset praise: “I can see that you’ve been working hard to understand these math problems, and it’s paying off!”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re a natural at playing the piano.”
Growth mindset praise: “Your practice is really showing in your piano playing. Your persistence is helping you improve.”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re such a talented artist.”
Growth mindset praise: “I love how you keep experimenting with different techniques in your artwork. It’s great to see you trying new things!”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re a great writer. It must come easy to you.”
Growth mindset praise: “I can see how much thought and effort you put into organizing your ideas and refining your writing.”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re so smart for figuring out that puzzle quickly.”
Growth mindset praise: “I’m impressed with the way you approached that puzzle, analyzing the pieces and finding the right connections.”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re a born athlete.”
Growth mindset praise: “Your dedication to training and practicing is really showing in your athletic performance.”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re a fast learner.”
Growth mindset praise: “You don’t give up when you encounter new challenges, and you keep trying different approaches until you find one that works.”
Fixed mindset praise: “You must be a genius to get such good grades.”
Growth mindset praise: “Your consistent effort and dedication to your studies are reflected in your good grades. Keep up the hard work!”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re so gifted at public speaking.”
Growth mindset praise: “I noticed how well-prepared and practiced you were for your speech. Your effort to engage the audience really paid off!”
Fixed mindset praise: “You’re a natural leader.”
Growth mindset praise: “You’ve been working on your communication and listening skills, and it shows in how effectively you lead and support your team.”
By using growth mindset praise like these examples, you can encourage your child to see the value in effort and persistence and help him understand that his abilities can grow and develop over time. This approach will not only help him develop a healthier mindset but also foster a love for learning and resilience in the face of challenges.
Author Quote"
“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” – Haim Ginott
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Helping a Child to Develop Growth Mindset
Jennifer: “Wow that’s great. Thanks Sam. But I can see this is going to take some practice.”
Samantha: “Jennifer you’ve really put in the work to be a great mom. Just by asking the questions and learning you’re so far ahead of the game. You’re effort to be a great mom is already paying off big. Just look at how far Jake has progressed!”
Jennifer: “I think I see what you did there. Did you just use growth mindset praise on me?”
Samantha: “Maybe”
Here’s a better reality. This reality is the result of helping a child develop a growth mindset.
Years later, as Jake enters college, he encounters challenges and difficulties he never faced before. Because of the growth mindset his mother helped him develop, Jake is better equipped to handle these obstacles, knowing that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort, perseverance, and learning from mistakes.
Jake has developed a growth mindset, perseverance, and grit. He realizes that mistakes are just a part of learning. Not a reflection on him. So they don’t bother him. He actually gets excited because he sees them as challenges and opportunities for growth and learning.
If he had had a fixed mindset he might struggle when faced with such challenges. He might feel discouraged or defeated, believing that he simply doesn’t have what it takes to succeed. By fostering a growth mindset early on, Jennifer played a crucial role in setting Jake up for long-term success in his academic and personal life.
This will not only help her better support Jake’s development but also strengthen their mother-son relationship by encouraging a love of learning and a healthy approach to overcoming challenges.
Key Takeaways:
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1. Fixed mindset leads to limited growth and potential. - Individuals with a fixed mindset believe their intelligence and abilities are set in stone, resulting in a fear of failure and a lack of motivation for improvement.
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2. Growth mindset fosters a positive attitude toward learning and growth. - Individuals with a growth mindset believe that they can develop their intelligence and abilities through hard work and effort.
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3. Changing from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset requires intentional effort. - Adopting a growth mindset involves acknowledging and challenging fixed mindset beliefs.
3 Critical Roles of Parent in Child’s Development
1. Parents influence a child’s physical, emotional, and cognitive development.
Every parent knows that raising kids isn’t easy and that there is no “one-size-fits-all” solution when it comes to parenting. One of the most important responsibilities a parent has is helping their child build a healthy foundation for physical, emotional, and cognitive development. From the time your son or daughter enters the world, he or she will be absorbing information from you and other caregivers as they grow up – this makes parental influence really important in determining how your children develop over time.
2. Positive parenting promotes healthy development and academic success.
Positive parenting is an approach that encourages healthy development and academic success in children. This style of parenting involves creating a nurturing and supportive environment that fosters positive relationships between parents and children. It emphasizes setting clear and consistent expectations and using positive reinforcement to foster good behavior and academic success. Positive parenting also stresses the importance of open communication between parents and children to promote healthy emotional well-being. By adopting a positive approach to parenting, parents can provide a strong foundation for their children’s academic and personal success.
3. Parental involvement and communication are crucial for a child’s well-being
Engaging in various activities with your child also promotes bonding and a healthy relationship which can boost their self-esteem and confidence. With the fast-paced modern world we live in, it is also essential to make time for your child and ensure that they feel heard and understood. By staying involved and communicating effectively, you can help your child live a happier and healthier life.
Years later, as Jake enters college, he encounters challenges and difficulties he never faced before. Because of the growth mindset, his mother helped him develop, Jake is better equipped to handle these obstacles, knowing that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort, perseverance, and learning from mistakes.
Jake has developed a growth mindset, perseverance, and grit. He realizes that mistakes are just a part of learning. Not a reflection on him. So they don’t bother him. He actually gets excited because he sees them as challenges and opportunities for growth and learning.
If he had had a fixed mindset he might struggle when faced with such challenges. He might feel discouraged or defeated, believing that he simply doesn’t have what it takes to succeed. By fostering a growth mindset early on, Jennifer played a crucial role in setting Jake up for long-term success in his academic and personal life.
This will not only help her better support Jake’s development but also strengthen their mother-son relationship by encouraging a love of learning and a healthy approach to overcoming challenges.
Jennifer: “Wow Sam, you’ve been so helpful. I really appreciate you as a friend”
Samantha: “Of course. I’m so happy you were open to it. These discussions can be tough”
Jennifer: “Yes they can”
Samantha: “Pushing through the tough stuff is what we have to do sometimes. It’s certainly not easy, but it sure is rewarding”
Jennifer: “So, about that. Samantha, I have to admit, there’s something I’ve been worried about for a while now. I’ve been afraid that Jake might have some kind of learning struggle, and that’s partly why I’ve been praising him so much. I thought it might help him feel more confident.”
Samantha: “I understand your concerns, Jennifer. But you know, there are ways to address learning struggles more directly and effectively. Have you ever heard of the Learning Success System?”
Jennifer: “No, I haven’t. What is it?”
Samantha: “The Learning Success System is an educational therapy program designed to help parents work with their children at home to improve foundational learning skills. It focuses on things like visual and auditory processing, proprioception, and spatial awareness, among others. By working on these skills, children can overcome specific learning disabilities and become more confident in their abilities.”
Jennifer: “That sounds interesting, but how does it help with academics?”
Samantha: “Well, when a child has strong foundational skills, it becomes easier for them to learn and understand new concepts in school. For example, good visual tracking skills can help a child read more efficiently, while strong auditory memory skills can make it easier to follow spoken instructions. By building up these skills using the Learning Success System, you can help Jake become more successful in school and better equipped to handle academic challenges.”
Jennifer: “That sounds like a great approach. How much time would we need to dedicate to the program?”
Samantha: “The program only requires about 15 minutes per day. It’s designed to be manageable for busy families and to make the process enjoyable for both parents and children.”
Jennifer: “Thank you, Samantha. I’ll definitely look into the Learning Success System. I want to do everything I can to support Jake in his learning and help him reach his full potential.”
Jennifer is starting to see a way forward that not only fosters a growth mindset in Jake but also directly addresses any potential learning struggles. The Learning Success System offers her a practical and effective way to help Jake build strong foundational skills, setting him up for greater academic success and confidence in his abilities. If you’d like to try the Learning Success System with your child just click the link in the description and start a free trial.
Thank you for reading all the way through. It shows that you are really putting in the effort as a parent. And that’s what it takes.
And as a great parent, I’m sure you’ll be interested in these other blogs here as well.
Author Quote"
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” – Christian D. Larson
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Are you looking to foster a growth-oriented mindset in your child and build their resilience and grit?
Look no further than the Learning Success System, a do-at-home educational therapy program that addresses cognitive micro-skills and helps with focus, reading, math, confidence, and more. And now, for a limited time only, a free trial is available for those interested in unlocking their child’s full potential. Don’t miss this opportunity to invest in your child’s future!
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