Another meltdown at bedtime. Another note home from school. You took away the tablet, then dessert, then the park. Nothing changed, except that you both feel worse. This is one of the hardest places a parent stands. You are not alone in it.
Common questions from parents
What is the Pyramid Model?
Should I stop giving consequences?
How do I teach a skill like waiting?
When does my child need an individual plan?
Bigger consequences not working? The Pyramid Model says start at the bottom: a warm connection, a predictable day, then teach the missing skill.
What does the Pyramid Model say about where to start?
The Pyramid Model is a way to think about behavior in three layers. The National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations helps programs use it. That center is at the University of South Florida. Here is the image, layer by layer, in plain words.
- The bottom layer: warm people and a known day. Your child has daily time with a caring adult. Your child knows the routines and what comes next. This is the widest layer, and it is for every child.
- The middle layer: teach the skill. Some children need a skill taught on purpose. Naming a feeling. Waiting a turn. Asking for help. You teach it in small, clear steps.
- The top layer: a plan for one child. This is a narrow, more intense plan. It is for the few children who need more than the lower layers give.
- Three steps for parents: check the base first. Teach the missing skill out loud. Save the big plan for problems that stay.
The image ends with one line. “Behavior is built in layers. Start at the bottom, and the top gets smaller.”
A consequence asks a child to do something. It does not teach how to do it.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
Why start at the bottom instead of with a consequence?
When behavior goes wrong, the first pull is often toward a bigger consequence. A consequence asks a child to do something. It does not teach how to do it. The image puts it plainly. Hard behavior is a skill not yet taught, not a choice to punish.
Has someone told you your child does it on purpose? To us, that usually looks like a skill nobody has taught yet. We see this a lot with children who find attention hard. They get corrected at the top for skills nobody built at the bottom.
- Waiting. Standing in line, or waiting for a turn to talk.
- Switching. Stopping one thing and starting the next.
- Holding a big feeling. Feeling angry without hitting or yelling.
None of these is a choice a child makes once. Each one is built with practice. Here is more on a predictable day for a child with ADHD.
Key takeaways
- Check the base first: Before a new consequence, check the routine and the connection.
- Teach the missing skill: Name the skill out loud. Teach it in small steps.
- Save the big plan: An individual plan is for problems that stay after the lower layers.
How do you check the base and teach the missing skill?
Start with the base before you add a new rule. Ask yourself two plain questions. Then teach one skill at a time.
- Is the day predictable? Does your child know what comes next? A picture schedule on the fridge shows the day.
- Is the connection there? Is there time each day when you are together and nothing is corrected? Ten minutes of play your child leads counts.
- Name the skill out loud. Say it plainly: “Right now we are practicing waiting.”
- Break it into small steps. Teach it the way you would teach a spelling rule. Practice one small step when things are calm.
- Save the big plan. Say one problem stays after the base and the skills are in place. That is the time for a plan made for your child. Bring in the teacher or your child’s doctor.
We see it again and again. A calm, known day makes the hard moments smaller. Here is more on teaching feelings and social skills at home. If schoolwork sets off the big feelings, read why schoolwork triggers big emotions.
“Universal supports for all children through nurturing and responsive relationships and high quality environments.” National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations, on the base of the Pyramid Model
Behavior is built in layers. Start at the bottom, and the top gets smaller.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
You don’t need a credential to be your child’s first teacher. You already are one. The only question is whether you have the right tools. Punishing first has never taught a child a skill. Teaching does. Focus Foundations is a free guide. It is for parents whose child finds attention hard. Get the free Focus Foundations guide.
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References
- National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations (NCPMI), University of South Florida. Pyramid Model Overview: Tiers. challengingbehavior.org.
