In 2019, a research team pooled hundreds of studies on parents and school. They found small links between home life and school results. The biggest came from talking, encouraging, and doing interesting things together. Hold on to that when errands take over a homeschool day. You are not the only one who has that day.
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FROM THE VIDEO
Key moments from Vlog | Things aren’t so perfect over here with Nickie of Blessed Homeschool Mess:
Common questions from parents
Is a homeschool day with no lessons a wasted day?
Should I let my child reread easy or “baby” books?
What is autonomy-supportive parenting?
How do I stop pushing without dropping my standards?
Errands ate the homeschool day. Then came the library. Did it count? In one big review, the biggest home links were talking and doing things together.
Did anything count on the day the errands took over?
Nickie, who runs the channel Blessed Homeschool Mess, filmed one of those days. A Real ID errand became a courthouse trip for a birth certificate. She got home at 2:00. The playdate was off. She said she was “flipping exhausted” and called the day “pretty boring.” Did you feel guilty after a day like that? That guilt comes from caring about her learning.
Then the two of them went to the library. That trip deserves a second look.
In 2019, Barger and colleagues pooled hundreds of studies on what parents do. What parents did at home had a small, steady link to school results. It held across income, ethnicity and age. The biggest links were at home: talking, encouraging, and doing interesting things together. These are links, not proof of cause. They still point in a useful direction.
To us, a library trip is one of those interesting things. So yes, the day counted. We wrote more about what involvement looks like at home.
To us, a library trip is one of those interesting things, so yes, the day counted.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
Should I push her toward the bigger books?
At the library, Nickie’s daughter picked her own pile. One was a dog picture book she “had to have.” Nickie thinks she already read it. There were two horse books and a Pokémon game. And there was a puppy book she read “a long time ago.”
Then came a familiar thought. These were big books, Nickie said, so she “needs to get a move on.” It is a loving thought. It is also the moment help starts to turn into pressure.
Grolnick and Pomerantz (2022) split help into two kinds. The supportive kind means “taking children’s perspectives, providing choice, allowing input into decisions.” The controlling kind means pressure, demands, and solving it for the child. Children who struggle are the most sensitive to controlling help, they add. Not the least.
Nickie landed on the supportive side herself. Her daughter has been drifting back to Bluey and “little kid stuff.” Her answer: “Let her be a kid, right? As long as she wants.” Choice does not mean no lessons. It means she gets a say in what comes home. Torn? Here is more on when to push and when to ease the pressure.
Key takeaways
- The errand day counted: Talking and doing things together had the biggest home links.
- Choice is support: Support means seeing her side and letting her choose.
- Watch for pressure: Children who struggle are hit hardest by controlling help.
What helps on the next busy day?
You do not need to save the day with a worksheet. Bring the helpful kinds of involvement along instead.
- Talk in the car. Ask what she saw today and what she thought of it.
- Let her choose. At the library, the pile is hers. Old favorites come home too.
- Ask about the story. Ask what happened to the horse, not how many pages she read.
- Catch the pressure. When “get a move on” rises in you, notice it. Then let it pass.
Structure still matters. Pinquart and Kauser (2018) reviewed hundreds of studies from around the world. Their advice fits every parent. Be “warm, firm,” and leave her some room to choose.
On normal days, the firm part is your lessons and your routine. Our view is that a steady routine means fewer decisions and fewer standoffs. On errand days, bring the talking and the choices. You do not need a credential to be your child’s first teacher. You already are one, on lesson days and errand days alike. For more, read about curiosity and a love of learning.
Choice does not mean no lessons; it means she gets a say in what comes home.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
You want a child who loves books, and a home where learning feels warm. You also deserve to stop grading yourself on the days that go sideways. The old idea says learning only counts at the table, with a lesson plan. That idea leaves out the car rides, the library, and the talks. Helping is yours too, and the supportive kind is a skill you learn. Start with our free Growth Mindset Program. It covers the words you use for effort and praise.
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