Research abstract

Questions As Veiled Criticisms

Are you able to tell the difference in tone when someone speaks? The tone is often what hides a criticism through questions or general speech. The passive way of communicating is not the best way to communicate. By Grant Barrett

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Sometimes couples express their innate dissatisfaction and resentment in a relationship by asking questions that aren’t really questions, but are actually criticism.

“A psychotherapist in Burlington, Vermont, observes that couples in counseling together ask each other questions that are actually veiled criticisms.”

To avoid conflict, it helps if the person being asked the question will listen to the intent behind the question and rephrase it. Some people are direct with their requests while others hint at the issue, expecting others to guess what they want.

Key takeaways

  1. A therapist has noticed that couples in couples counselling often ask each other questions that are actually thinly-veiled criticisms.
  2. Indirect vs direct communication styles have been heavily studied, and much has been written about them.
  3. Indirect vs direct communication is also known as “ask culture” vs “guess culture.”

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Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert Writes about the learning brain for parents who want plain answers. Every article is grounded in current neuroscience and classroom practice.