School says wait and see but I think my child needs help now
Last updated:
You’ve raised your concerns about your child’s learning struggles, provided examples of difficulties you see at home, and asked for help. Instead of action, you’ve been told to “wait and see” if things improve on their own. While you want to trust the professionals, every instinct you have as a parent is telling you that waiting isn’t the right answer. You’re watching your bright child become increasingly frustrated, and you’re feeling helpless knowing they need support now, not months from now.
Understanding the Science Behind “Wait and See”
When schools suggest a “wait and see” approach, they’re often operating from outdated understanding about how children learn and develop. While it’s true that children develop at different rates, this doesn’t mean we should passively wait when a child is showing clear signs of struggle. The research on neuroplasticity tells us that the brain remains adaptable throughout life, but it’s most responsive to intervention during childhood and adolescence.
The “wait and see” mentality stems from a time when educators believed learning differences were fixed conditions that children would either outgrow naturally or be stuck with permanently. We now know this simply isn’t true. Every day your child struggles without support, they’re missing opportunities to build the foundational skills that make learning easier. Think of it like learning to play piano – the longer you wait to address poor finger positioning, the harder it becomes to retrain those muscle memories.
Your child’s brain is actively forming neural pathways right now. When they experience repeated failure or frustration in academic tasks, they’re literally training their brain to expect difficulty and avoid challenges. Conversely, when we provide appropriate support and see improvement, we’re building neural pathways that support confidence and learning success.
The research is clear: early intervention isn’t just helpful – it’s significantly more effective than waiting until problems become entrenched. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for cognitive processing skills like attention, working memory, and problem-solving, continues developing until age 25. This means your child’s brain is primed for skill development right now.
While you’re waiting to see if your child will naturally improve, something else is happening that schools often don’t consider: the gradual erosion of your child’s confidence and willingness to try. Children aren’t fooled by adult attempts to minimize their struggles. They know when reading is harder for them than their classmates, when math problems seem impossible, or when they can’t remember instructions like other kids can.
Each day of struggle without support sends your child a message that this is just how learning is supposed to feel for them. They begin to internalize the idea that they’re “not smart” or “bad at school.” This isn’t dramatic thinking – it’s a predictable psychological response to repeated experiences of failure without adequate support. The emotional damage of prolonged struggle often becomes harder to repair than the original academic issues.
Academic gaps don’t stay the same size while you wait. They compound. If your child is missing foundational skills in reading, every day of reading instruction builds on concepts they haven’t mastered. It’s like trying to build the second floor of a house when the foundation isn’t solid. The longer you wait, the larger the knowledge gaps become and the more catching up your child will need to do later.
You might also notice behavioral changes during this waiting period. Children who feel frustrated and unsuccessful academically often develop school avoidance, defiance around homework, or attention problems that are actually rooted in their learning struggles. When children can’t succeed through effort, they often protect their self-esteem by appearing not to care or by avoiding the situation entirely.
The research on emotional intelligence shows us that these secondary emotional and behavioral issues can become more significant than the original learning challenges. Prevention is always easier than remediation – both academically and emotionally.
What You Can Do Right Now
You don’t need to wait for school permission to begin supporting your child’s learning development. There are evidence-based approaches you can start implementing immediately that will strengthen the foundational skills your child needs for academic success. The key is understanding that most learning struggles stem from underdeveloped cognitive processing skills rather than permanent limitations.
Begin with improving focus abilities, as attention is the foundation for all other learning. Simple focus training exercises can be done in just 10-15 minutes daily and will strengthen your child’s ability to sustain attention, resist distractions, and persist through challenging tasks. These aren’t boring drills – they’re engaging activities that feel like play while building crucial cognitive skills.
Address auditory processing skills if your child struggles with following directions, remembering instructions, or distinguishing between similar sounds. Many reading and spelling difficulties actually stem from auditory processing challenges that can be improved through targeted practice. The Attentive Ear Auditory Processing Program provides systematic training that strengthens these foundational skills.
Work on emotional regulation during this frustrating time. Your child needs tools to manage the feelings of confusion and inadequacy that come with learning struggles. Teach them that difficulty is a normal part of learning something new, and that their brain gets stronger when they work through challenges. This growth mindset approach helps children see struggles as temporary and improvable rather than permanent limitations.
Document everything you observe about your child’s learning patterns, successful strategies, and areas of difficulty. This information will be invaluable when you do meet with school teams. Keep notes about what times of day your child learns best, what types of explanations help them understand, and what environmental factors support their success.
Consider implementing a structured approach like the Brain Bloom System, which addresses multiple cognitive skills simultaneously. This comprehensive method targets the underlying processing abilities that support all academic learning, rather than just addressing surface-level symptoms.
Key Takeaways:
1
Early Intervention Works Better: Brain research shows that addressing learning challenges during childhood is significantly more effective than waiting until problems become entrenched.
2
Confidence Erodes While Waiting: Children who struggle without support develop negative beliefs about their abilities that become harder to change than the original learning issues.
3
You Can Act Now: Parents don't need school permission to begin building their child's foundational cognitive skills through evidence-based approaches.
Building Your Case for School Support
When you do meet with school personnel, your approach and language will largely determine whether you get support or continued delays. Come prepared with specific observations and documented concerns rather than general statements about your child struggling. Schools respond better to concrete data than emotional appeals, though your instincts as a parent are absolutely valid and important.
Present the research on early intervention benefits and the costs of delayed support. Explain that you understand children develop at different rates, but that doesn’t mean children should struggle without appropriate support during their development. Reference studies showing that targeted intervention during elementary years is significantly more effective than remediation in middle or high school.
Use language that focuses on skill development rather than deficits or disabilities. Instead of saying “my child can’t focus,” try “my child is developing focus skills and would benefit from strategies that support attention.” This subtle shift in language acknowledges the challenge while maintaining a growth-oriented perspective that expects improvement.
Request specific timelines for any additional waiting periods. If the school wants to monitor your child for another six weeks, ask what specific improvements they expect to see and what will happen if those improvements don’t occur. This prevents indefinite waiting periods and ensures accountability for your child’s progress.
Be prepared to advocate for evidence-based interventions rather than generic accommodations. Research shows that structured literacy approaches, cognitive skill training, and explicit instruction in areas of difficulty are more effective than simply allowing more time or reducing expectations. Your child deserves instruction that will actually improve their abilities, not just make their current struggles more manageable.
Remember that you can pursue outside intervention while working with the school system. Private assessment and intervention don’t preclude school support – they often provide valuable information that helps schools better understand your child’s needs and develop more effective support plans.
For parents seeking to help their child develop stronger focus skills while navigating school delays, our Focus Foundations resource provides evidence-based strategies and exercises that can be implemented immediately at home. Download the Focus Foundations guide for comprehensive attention training techniques.
For parents looking to develop their child’s emotional intelligence while dealing with learning struggles, our free documentary-style course ‘Managing the Overly Emotional Child’ provides comprehensive strategies for helping children develop emotional regulation skills during challenging times. Learn more about our emotional intelligence course.
When schools tell you to wait and see, they’re asking you to gamble with your child’s academic confidence and future success. Every day your child struggles without appropriate support is a day when they’re learning that effort doesn’t lead to improvement. The research on brain development and early intervention is unequivocal: acting sooner leads to better outcomes than waiting for problems to resolve on their own. As your child’s first and most important teacher, you have both the ability and responsibility to ensure they get the support they need. The Learning Success All Access Program provides you with research-based strategies you can implement immediately, giving your child the cognitive skill development they need while you continue advocating for appropriate school support.
