In 2017, economists at the University of Toronto tested a popular idea. A large group of first-year college students wrote out their goals. Two years later, their results matched students who never set goals. Has a new story about yourself, or your child, changed little at home? You are not alone. Your child isn’t broken, and neither are you.
FROM THE VIDEO
Key moments from ADHD Entrepreneur Accelerator with host Steve August and guest Andy Hess:
Common questions from parents
Will a better self-image help my child do better in school?
Should my child use affirmations or picture their goals?
What is body doubling?
Is trouble getting started a sign of ADHD?
Picturing who you want to be feels like progress. On its own, it does not keep effort going. What to try instead, for you and your child:
Why doesn’t a new story change what you do?
The idea is everywhere. Change the story in your head, and new habits follow. Andy Hess makes this case on the ADHD Entrepreneur Accelerator podcast. She is a hypnotherapist and coach. To her, change starts with who you believe you are.
Part of that holds up. Lee and Oyserman write about “possible selves.” That means the person you picture becoming. They say picturing that person lifts hope. On its own, it “is not enough to produce sustained effort and behavior change.” It has to be tied to specific strategies. They mean plain actions, like setting an alarm or sitting down to study.
A bigger question is still open. Does a better self-image make a child do better? Sorjonen and colleagues (2024) say the evidence does not show it. Marsh and colleagues (2025) say it does. The two sides are still arguing in print. The other direction is much less in doubt. A child who does well comes to see themselves as able. To us, that means the doing comes first. The story catches up.
The doing comes first. The story catches up.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
So what changes how a child sees themselves?
Small wins your child gets to see. We watch this happen with families again and again. “I’m bad at this” is not a description. It’s a prediction your child is making about their own future. Every session either confirms it or quietly rewrites it. We go deeper in why confidence comes from evidence, not encouragement.
The strategy also has to fit who your child thinks they are. Lee and Oyserman give an example. Some kids believe asking for help is for other kids. So they don’t ask, even when they believe it would help. If a step feels like “not me,” it gets skipped. So shrink the step until it fits. “I start with one line” is easy to own. “I’m a great student now” is not.
Hess knows the other side of this. She grew up with no answers. In her words, back then “we didn’t diagnose girls.” Adults told her she “wasn’t living up to her potential.” To us, she was a child without the right setup. We don’t see a child who wasn’t trying.
Key takeaways
- Belief alone falls short: Picturing a future self lifts hope. On its own, effort fades.
- Tie it to a strategy: Lee and Oyserman link lasting effort to small, specific actions.
- Build the setup: A person nearby and a clear finish line help work get started.
What helps a brain that struggles to start?
To us, the most useful part of the interview is not about stories. It is about setup. Hess says her first step is to build a space that supports her brain. She stopped running her own task dashboard and handed it to her team. Then she moved to a paper planner.
Her brain won’t keep an appointment with herself, she says. It will keep one with another person. So she books standing co-working time. When she catches herself booking over it, she knows she has drifted. For your child, you are that other person. Sit nearby for the first few minutes of homework. You don’t teach. You stay close. Our infographic on six setups to try instead of nagging has more ideas.
Hess also talks about “open loops.” These are half-done tasks your mind keeps holding. In her experience, deciding a task is done, or dropped on purpose, clears room. With your child, say it out loud: “That worksheet is done. We are finished.”
We see the same thing at home. Change the setup, and the story often follows. For adults, we wrote about coaching that changes the system around you. Tonight, pick one task. Sit beside your child for the start. Then name it done, together.
I start with one line” is easy to own. “I’m a great student now” is not.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
You want a child who sees themselves as someone who gets things done. Old advice gets in the way. It says a child has to feel ready before they start. Waiting to feel ready has never taught a child to start. You don’t need a credential to be your child’s first teacher. You already are one. Begin with Focus Foundations, our free PDF on focus and homework.
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Why we use AI, plainly: it writes from a knowledge base our team maintains and audits. We work through it line by line and pull anything the evidence stops supporting. The roadmap you get on Tuesday reflects what we corrected on Monday, and a human still reads it before you do.
Your school district must evaluate your child free of charge if you ask in writing, whatever your income and whatever the outcome (US, 34 CFR 300.111 and 300.301(b)). That route takes time and answers a different question than you do. This one starts today, from what you already know.
Your answers stay yours. We do not sell your personal information, and we do not hand identifiable assessment data to outside AI companies to train their models.
A screener is a starting point, not a diagnosis. If your child might need formal accommodations (an IEP or 504 plan), or you suspect a vision, hearing or medical cause, pursue a professional evaluation too. That is the only route to those supports.
