The advice for a worn-out parent is always the same: push through. Push past the tired, the noise and the list that never ends. For an adult who struggles with focus, willpower is what gives out first. To us, that does not look like a weak will. It looks like someone told to rest with nothing set up to help.
FROM THE VIDEO
Key moments from the How to ADHD charging station tour with Jessica McCabe:
Common questions from parents
Do I need a spare room for a charging station?
What should I put in my charging station?
Why does my head fill with to-dos the second I sit down to rest?
How do I know when I am running low?
A break with your phone on is "charging, not charging." Here is how to build a charging station that guards your rest, even if it is a backpack.
Why doesn’t rest work when I try to force it?
Jessica McCabe makes the How to ADHD videos. She built a “charging station” in her home. It is a place she goes when she runs low. “We have charging stations for our phones,” she says. “Why not a charging station for ourselves?”
Here is what we take from that. Rest that waits on willpower rarely shows up. So set it up once, ahead of time. Our view is that focus struggles make self-management hard from the inside. People call that inside job executive function. We explain it in Executive Function in Plain English. So hand the job to the room. The room holds the tools and keeps the world out. You walk in, and the setup is already done.
“Nobody gets water from an empty well,” as the video puts it. A parent with nothing left has nothing to give a struggling child. Your recharge is not a treat you earn later. It is what lets you show up.
Rest that waits on willpower rarely shows up.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
What goes in a charging station, and what comes out?
Start by taking things out. Step one in the video was clearing out “everything that was a project.” Think of anything that nags at you: “I have not taken care of that yet.” Each one keeps asking for your attention. It is hard to rest in a room that keeps handing you work. We wrote more about how the easiest thing in a room becomes your default.
Then stock it with chargers. Jessica asked two questions. How long do I have? And what kind of tired am I?
- A tired body or a tired head. In the video, Jessica needed body rest. Her partner needed to switch his brain off. Stock both kinds.
- A five-minute window. Keep one thing that works fast. Jessica’s was a shiatsu massager.
- A long stretch. Keep one thing to sink into. Hers was a 1,000-piece puzzle.
A long puzzle is no help when you have five minutes. So keep something ready for each case.
You do not need a spare room. Jessica says she might have used a backpack or a corner instead. A basket by your bed counts.
Key takeaways
- Set it up once: A charging station moves rest out of willpower and into the room.
- Match the charger: Stock options for a tired body, a tired head, short and long breaks.
- Guard the charge: Do Not Disturb and a parking lot keep work from sneaking back in.
How do I keep the rest from getting interrupted?
Ever plug in your phone and find it at 3% half an hour later? Jessica calls that “charging, not charging.” A break works the same way. One text, one email, and you are back at work. So put your phone on Do Not Disturb before you sit down.
Our read is that part of the pull is how a phone rewards you. Most checks bring nothing. Now and then one brings something good. You never know which check it will be, and that keeps you reaching.
The second guard is a “parking lot.” It is a notepad for to-dos that pop up. Call Steve. Order groceries. Fill out that form. Jessica says these show up most when you have nothing going on. So write each one down, and stay where you are. Look at the list later. Holding a to-do in your head is one more job running during rest. The paper takes that job.
Last, give the room a cue that says rest. Jessica added soft lighting, plants, a robe and slippers. She borrowed those ideas from hotels and spas. A lock on the door works as a cue too. You should not have to talk yourself into resting. The room should say it first.
If homework time drains you, here are small daily habits that keep a parent steady.
It is hard to rest in a room that keeps handing you work.
Laura Lurns · Learning Success expert
You want to show up for your child with something left to give. An old idea says a good parent pushes through and rests later. It treats running low as a willpower problem, so later never comes. You get to build the place that refills you. Nobody will ever advocate for your child as hard as you will. If focus is hard for your child too, read our free PDF guide, Focus Foundations.
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