Understanding the Balance Between Autonomy and Support is Key for Parents
Parents often struggle with finding the right balance between giving their ADHD child autonomy and providing the necessary support. Cindy Palmer explains that some parents completely let go, assuming that coaches and schools will handle everything, while others micromanage, leading to tension. The key is to find a middle ground where your child feels supported yet independent. This balance is crucial as it varies for each child, and understanding this can help you tailor your approach effectively.
The ‘I Do, We Do, You Do’ Approach: Preparing Your ADHD Child for College
Navigating the journey from high school to college can be particularly challenging for parents of children with ADHD. While schools may not provide all the necessary support, you, as a parent, have the power to equip your child with the tools they need for success. In this article, we’ll explore strategies and insights shared by Cindy Palmer, a coach who specializes in supporting neurodivergent students, to help you guide your child through this critical transition.
Implementing the “I Do, We Do, You Do” Framework Can Prepare Your Child for Independence
Cindy suggests using the “I Do, We Do, You Do” scaffolding approach to prepare your child for tasks they’ll need to handle independently in college. Start by modeling the task, such as making a doctor’s appointment, then work together on it, and finally, let your child do it alone. This method should begin as early as junior or senior year of high school to ensure your child is ready for the challenges of college life.
Author Quote
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A manager has the illusion of power or control… but a consultant can have real influence.
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Shifting from Manager to Consultant: A Parent’s Role in Fostering Independence
One of the most effective strategies for parents is to shift from being a manager to a consultant for their child. As a manager, you might feel the need to control and direct, but as a consultant, you encourage autonomy by asking questions and offering guidance rather than directives. This shift can be challenging but is essential for your child’s growth. By using phrases like “It’s your call” and “What’s your plan?”, you empower your child to make decisions and learn from their choices.
Key Takeaways:
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Scaffolding Independence with 'I Do, We Do, You Do': Implement the 'I Do, We Do, You Do' approach to help children with ADHD gradually build independence. Start by modeling tasks like making doctor's appointments during junior or senior year of high school. Then, transition to practicing these tasks together, allowing the child to gain confidence and skills. Finally, encourage them to handle these responsibilities independently when they go to college, ensuring they are well-prepared and less likely to feel overwhelmed or ashamed of their need for support.
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Transitioning from Manager to Consultant: Shift from a managerial role to that of a consultant in your interactions with your child. Instead of directing or demanding, ask questions that encourage problem-solving and decision-making. Use phrases like "What's your plan?" to foster autonomy and reduce the feeling of nagging. This approach helps children learn from natural consequences and builds their confidence in handling life's challenges independently.
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Empowering with 'It's Your Call': Regularly reinforce the concept of personal responsibility by using the phrase "It's your call." This empowers children to make decisions and understand that they are in control of their choices. Provide limited choices and brainstorm options together, but ultimately, allow them to decide. If they struggle with this autonomy, consider involving other supportive adults or mentors to help guide them through the decision-making process.
Utilizing Available Resources and Tools Can Enhance Support for Your Child
While schools may not always provide adequate support, parents can leverage other resources to help their child. Cindy mentions the value of independent education consultants (IECs) who specialize in neurodivergence, including **Dyslexia https://learningsuccess.ai/dyslexia/**, and can assist in choosing the right college and understanding the level of support available. Additionally, coaching can serve as an intermediary, providing the executive function support your child may need. These resources, combined with your guidance, can make a significant difference in your child’s transition to college.
Author Quote
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Coaching is that person right that can can sort of be that intermediary between you and your student.
”Overcoming the Challenge of Dyslexia and Neuroplasticity for a Better Future
One specific challenge for students with ADHD is the potential co-occurrence of dyslexia, which can affect reading and writing skills. However, understanding the brain’s ability for Neuroplasticity can empower you as a parent. By encouraging your child to engage in activities that strengthen their neural pathways, you can help them overcome these challenges. Your role is to support their learning journey, celebrate their progress, and foster resilience, leading to a more fulfilling and independent life.
Empower your child’s journey to independence with the strategies from Cindy Palmer. For more tailored support, download the Focus Foundations eBook to help them thrive in college.
