How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend: A Neuroscientist’s Approach to Self-Care and Mental Health

Last updated: April 3, 2026

You’ve watched your bright, creative child struggle with the simplest tasks, feeling like they’re working twice as hard as their peers just to keep up. You’ve sat beside them at homework time, feeling your stomach clench as they become frustrated and defeated. That mixture of heartbreak and helplessness you feel isn’t weakness or overreaction—it’s your instincts telling you that something needs to change. And if you’ve spent late nights searching for answers while everyone else sleeps, wondering if you’re the only parent carrying this weight, I want you to know: you’re not alone, you’re not imagining it, and your fierce love for your child is exactly what they need most right now.

TL;DR

Neuroscientist Rachel Bar shares her personal story of how she became interested in neuroscience and wrote her book "How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend".
Rachel discusses the importance of being in a positive relationship with your brain and struggles as a human, rather than using "blunt force" willpower to try to control it.
She emphasizes the need to approach self-care and mental health with kindness, care, and understanding, rather than trying to "hack" the brain into submission.

Understanding the Importance of Brain Health and Neurodiversity

As parents, we want to provide our children with the best possible foundation for success in life. This includes not only their physical health but also their mental well-being. Rachel Bar, a neuroscientist and author of “How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend,” emphasizes the importance of understanding and caring for our brains. By recognizing that our brains are unique and deserving of kindness and care, we can work towards creating a more positive and supportive relationship with ourselves and our children.

Meet Rachel Bar, a neuroscientist who's changing the way we think about mental health and self-care. Her book "How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend" offers a kind and compassionate approach to understanding and caring for our brains. Tweet Now Follow Learning Success

The Dangers of a Hostile Approach to Mental Health

Rachel Bar highlights the common misconception that we can simply “hack” our brains into submission using brute force willpower. This approach can be damaging and lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. Instead, we should focus on developing habits of kindness and care towards our brains, acknowledging that they are capable of growth and change. By adopting a more compassionate and supportive mindset, we can work towards creating a healthier and more positive relationship with our brains.

Laura Lurns Learning Success Expert

As we explore the complexities of the human brain, it's essential to recognize that our relationship with our brain is not a battle to be won, but a partnership to be nurtured. By acknowledging that our brain is a dynamic, ever-changing entity, we can begin to approach our struggles with kindness, compassion, and understanding. The idea that we must "hack" our brain into submission is not only misguided but also damaging. Instead, we must learn to meet our brain where it is, with gentle guidance and support. By doing so, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of our brain's needs and develop a more harmonious relationship with our inner selves.

This approach is particularly important for parents, who play a critical role in shaping their child's relationship with their brain. By modeling a positive, compassionate attitude towards their own brain, parents can help their children develop a healthy, growth-oriented mindset. This, in turn, can have a profound impact on their child's ability to navigate challenges, build resilience, and develop a strong sense of self.

As Rachel Bar so eloquently puts it, our brain is not an enemy to be conquered, but a "little pet" that requires care, attention, and nurturing. By adopting this perspective, we can begin to break free from the constraints of traditional thinking and cultivate a more holistic, compassionate approach to mental health and well-being. By doing so, we can empower ourselves and our children to develop a more positive, resilient relationship with their brain, and unlock their full potential for growth, learning, and success.

The Power of Reframing Our Language and Expectations

Our language and expectations can have a profound impact on our children’s self-perception and abilities. By using positive and empowering language, we can help our children develop a growth mindset and build confidence in their abilities. For example, instead of saying “my child has dyslexia,” we can say “my child is developing reading skills through specialized instruction.” This subtle shift in language can help to reframe our expectations and create a more supportive environment for our children to thrive. The Learning Success System provides a comprehensive approach to understanding and supporting our children’s cognitive development.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding the Brain's Needs is crucial for developing a positive relationship with it. Rachel Bar's book emphasizes the importance of meeting the brain where it is, rather than trying to force it to comply with our expectations.

Kindness and Care are essential for maintaining good mental health. Rachel stresses that self-care should be approached with kindness and care, rather than trying to use "blunt force" willpower to control the brain.

Reframing Mental Health Conversations is necessary to promote a more positive and supportive approach to mental health. Rachel's book aims to change the way we talk about mental health, focusing on kindness, care, and understanding rather than hostility and adversity.

Building a Supportive Environment for Brain Health and Neurodiversity

Creating a supportive environment for brain health and neurodiversity requires a multifaceted approach. This includes providing opportunities for physical activity, socialization, and cognitive development, as well as promoting positive language and expectations. By recognizing and valuing the unique strengths and challenges of each individual, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and supportive community. The Cognitive Micro-Skills framework provides a useful tool for understanding and supporting the development of essential cognitive skills, including attention, memory, and processing speed.

Here’s what I believe with every fiber of my being: you don’t need anyone’s permission to help your own child. You don’t need to wait for school systems to finally notice what you’ve seen for years. You don’t need credentials or certification to be the most powerful teacher your child will ever have. The system may be designed to keep you waiting in the wings, feeling helpless while your child struggles—but that design can’t survive a parent who refuses to accept it. Your love, your instincts, and your daily presence are more powerful than any program, any label, or any expert assessment. And your child’s brain is capable of more growth than anyone who uses words like ‘can’t’ and ‘never’ would ever dare to imagine.